


Regrets and Fears

by jdale



Series: Elizabeth's Nightmares [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Insomnia, Nightmares, Post-Episode: s01e11 The Eye, Tea, girl talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 14:13:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18074930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdale/pseuds/jdale
Summary: Elizabeth and Teyla have a late-night heart-to-heart after repelling the Genii invasion.





	Regrets and Fears

**Author's Note:**

> When I originally sat down to write this trilogy, I had planned for all three installments to be John/Elizabeth, but I was having trouble coming up with ways to make the three scenarios sufficiently unique that one of the stories wouldn't feel like a retread of an earlier installment. Then this idea came to me, and I knew I had to run with it. The friendship between Teyla and Elizabeth is, in my opinion, one of the most chronically underused relationships both in canon and in the fandom. The remaining two parts of the trilogy will be more directly John/Elizabeth.

“Remember when you die that you brought this fate upon yourself,” Elizabeth snarled. “John will _never_ stop looking for you until he finds me.”

“Then I’m afraid he’s doomed to keep searching for the rest of his life,” Kolya replied genially. Leaning in so close she could feel his breath on her face, he continued in a sinister tone, “This planet has no Stargate. Your precious Major Sheppard will never be able to find it.”

Elizabeth turned toward him and spat in his face.

Kolya was unfazed. “Scream all you want, little girl. _No one is coming for you._ ”

* * *

Elizabeth jolted awake, panting heavily. Her quarters on Atlantis were silent, the only sound that of her own heartbeat pounding in her ears. With a sigh, she allowed her head to drop back onto the pillow. _It’s just a nightmare,_ she thought. Pulling the covers back over herself, she rolled onto her side and closed her eyes.

Immediately the images of Kolya assaulted her mind once more, and her eyes snapped open instinctively. Elizabeth clenched her fists in frustration, struggling not to cry. Eventually she slammed one fist into the mattress and reluctantly climbed out of bed. She slowly made her way over to the window and stared out at the moonlight reflecting off the ocean’s surface, hoping the peaceful sight would bring her some measure of calm, but none was forthcoming.

“Why won’t you let me _sleep_?” Elizabeth whispered as her vision began to blur. She wiped the tears away on the sleeve of her nightshirt and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to steady herself. Still her mind refused to settle. Sighing in resignation, she shrugged on her bathrobe and began aimlessly wandering the halls, hoping to tire herself out enough that her mind would have no choice but to let her body rest.

As she walked, she tried to focus on something, anything to keep her mind off the day’s events. She thought about her dog, Sedgewick; the feel of her silky-smooth fur, the seemingly unlimited energy she had had as a puppy, the putrid smell of Kolya’s rumpled uniform—

“Leave me alone, dammit!” she growled under her breath.

“Dr. Weir?”

Elizabeth looked up, searching for the source of the voice, and found that her legs had carried her into the mess hall. “Teyla,” she responded. “You couldn’t sleep either?”

Teyla shook her head, pulling out a chair for Elizabeth to join her before returning her attention to the herbs and teacups laid out on the table before her. “I can’t help but wonder…whether there was a better way I could have handled the situation with Sora.”

Elizabeth dropped into the chair with a sigh. “Well, I have found in my years as a diplomat that grief tends to impair rational thinking. Hopefully, given time, her anger will fade, and she will realize there was nothing you could have done.”

Teyla nodded contemplatively. “Is there anything in particular bothering you?”

Elizabeth ran a hand through her hair. “Kolya. Every time I close my eyes, I see him. When I finally managed to get to sleep, I had a nightmare that John hadn’t been able to stop him from kidnapping me. Every time I try to think about something else, he barges his way back into my head.”

Teyla considered this for a long moment. “Well, I would suggest you try putting it out of your mind, but it sounds like you’ve already tried that.”

Elizabeth gave a hollow chuckle, burying her head in her hands to hide the tears that were once again beginning to well up. When she looked up again, she saw that Teyla had placed one of the teacups in front of her.

“Herbal tea,” Teyla explained. “One of the herbs is a mild sedative. I don’t know how much it will help with the nightmares, but it should at least allow you to get some sleep.”

Elizabeth raised the teacup and took an experimental sip. “Not bad,” she declared, setting the cup back down.

Teyla took a sip of her own tea before responding, “It’s a formula that’s been in my family for generations. I could share it with you in the morning, if you like.”

Elizabeth smiled wanly. “I’d like that. Thank you, Teyla.”

Teyla nodded. “I don’t know whether this will help with your nightmares, but perhaps try focusing on the here and now. Remind yourself that you are here on Atlantis, the invasion has been thwarted, and Kolya is now somewhere he can no longer hurt you.”

Elizabeth hummed thoughtfully. “I’ll try that.”

“Or you could try replacing him in your thoughts with someone else. Major Sheppard, perhaps,” Teyla said with a knowing smile.

Teyla struggled not to laugh at Elizabeth’s questioning glare. “Don’t give me that look. Anyone with two eyes can see—”

“B-b-but-but—he’s my second in command! I’m his boss!” Elizabeth spluttered. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she continued in a much more dignified tone of voice, “It would be inappropriate.”

Teyla scoffed. “I am the leader of my people, am I not? Does that mean I am forbidden from having relations with any of them?”

Elizabeth shook her head. “That’s different.”

“How?” Teyla pressed.

“You’re the leader of a _society_ ,” Elizabeth explained. “I’m the leader of a _military expedition_.”

“A ‘military expedition,’” Teyla put air quotes around the phrase, “that is mostly composed of civilian scientists. Call it what you like, but the fact of the matter is that Atlantis is a _colony_.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that he is my direct subordinate and I am his direct superior,” Elizabeth said slowly, as if explaining the concept to a small child. “It would be a conflict of interest.”

Teyla pressed two fingers to her temple. “I think this is a matter of perspective. The Wraith have been a constant shadow over my people for as long as anyone can remember. The heart wants what the heart wants. Among my people, where anyone could be culled at any moment, we find it foolish to place such obstacles in the way of love and happiness. Besides, you are out of contact with Earth, are you not?”

“Only until we can find a ZPM,” Elizabeth pointed out, refusing to let herself consider the possibility of what Teyla was suggesting.

“And how long will _that_ take?” Teyla asked rhetorically.

Elizabeth had by this time finished her tea and was beginning to feel the effects of the sedative. “Well, I should probably be getting back to my quarters soon so I don’t fall asleep in the middle of a corridor somewhere.”

Teyla glanced down and noticed that her own teacup was also empty. “Yes, I should be getting back to bed as well.”

“I really enjoyed this, Teyla,” Elizabeth told her as the shorter woman began clearing away the dishes. “Perhaps we can do this again sometime, although hopefully under better circumstances?”

“I would like that,” Teyla agreed. “Goodnight, Dr. Weir. Sleep well.”

“Goodnight, Teyla,” Elizabeth replied.


End file.
